My Life, Under Oath

Bipolar Roller Coaster

2009-04-26T22:45:00.002-04:00

Today I took strange solace in a Katy Perry song--as odd as that might seem. Apparently, Ms Perry dated someone just like me soon-too-be-ex-husband. This song described him so well that I had to share it.

You change your mind
like a girl changes clothes
yeah you PMS
like a bitch I would know
and you overthink

always speak

Cryptically
I should know that you're not good for me

(chorus)

cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up and you're down
you're wrong when it's right
it's black and it's white
we fight we break up
we kiss we make up

(you) you don't really want to stay (no)
(but you) but you don't really want to go (oh)
hot and you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up and you're down

we used to be
just like twins
so in sync
the same energy
now's a dead
battery
used to laugh
'bout nothing
now you're plain
boring
I should know
that you're not
gonna change

(chorus)

someone
call the doctor
got a case of the
love bi-polar
stuck on a
roller coaster
can't get off
this ride

I forgot to look

2009-04-14T22:33:00.002-04:00

I came home from work tonight, took the dog out, and then proceeded to go back out to run some errands. With my cellphone to my ear and my sister on the other end, I was walking toward the garage when I saw the cutest little westie puppy at the other end of the block. I looked at the puppy, who looked just like my little Shoon-Zhu when he was a baby, and almost as soon as I had established eye contact, the puppy ran down the sidewalk to me, his owner running behind him.

I was in a hurry, but thought I would catch the puppy to give his owner time to catch up and grab the leash. Then, I greeted the puppy, handed over the leash, and proceeded to walk toward my car.

I opened my door, put my things inside, and turned around to see the puppy looking at me. Again, he ran towards me, this time, across the street. Again I caught the puppy, and again waited for the owner, then handed over the leash.

As I got in the car, I explained what was going on, to which she instantly replied, “Is he cute?” At first I thought, “the puppy?” but then I realized she meant the owner. As a matter of fact, he was, in fact, fairly attractive. Not “out of my league” attractive, but certainly someone I wouldn’t mind looking at.

Now it’s only been two weeks, so I am not exactly anxious to get out on the dating scene, but my sister’s question made me realize that I don’t even look anymore. I’ve almost forgotten how to look. I’ve apparently been off the market just long enough that I have lost that instinct that makes you want to “check out” an attractive person. Something tells me there is a copy of Dating for Dummies in my future.

Starting Over

2009-04-07T20:50:00.001-04:00

Step One: find a new place to live. Yeah, I could stay in the place where I am now, but if it just me and the doggy, who needs that big apartment? Plus, finding a smaller place will give me more money for having fun. Must recapture some semblance of a social life.

Step Two: Go back to doing things I find interesting. I used to like volunteering a lot, but haven’t done that for years. Now is the time to get back to it. The last volunteer gig I did was with a group that taught computer classes to the poor. I really liked that, but don’t know if I want to have to travel downtown...will have to think about that one.

Step Three: Focus on improving self. I’d recently begun a campaign to improve my health. A while ago I had lost a bunch of weight, but then after my mom died gained a little of it back. I recently started following a healthier eating plan and tried to increase my physical activity to get back to a healthier path. It would be too easy to wallow in self-pity and neglect health. Not only do I need to be resolved to not do that, but I need to commit myself to be more committed. He’s not worth my health.

Okay, that’s as far as I have gotten. It’s only been 10 days, so the wounds are still a little fresh, and right now, any longer of a list would be too overwhelming.

Wow, I didn’t see that coming!

2009-04-03T23:55:00.002-04:00

Lately I had been thinking that it would be interesting to chronicle my experiences as the wife of a medical resident here on this blog (since finding things to talk about hasn't been easy). That isn’t going to work now.

Remember when I said that we didn’t have a plan for what we would do if he got a residency in the NY area? Well, I have to make a correction -- I didn’t have a plan. Ping, on the other hand, had a plan. On Saturday, March 28, he announced that he was going to NY by himself. He said that he wasn’t happy, and decided that he would be happier by himself, unmarried. Was I really just dumped for a residency?

Everyone says I should be relieved. For over a year now, things have been more than a bit difficult, and I suppose the writing has been on the wall for a while. One year and 20 days prior to his announcement, my husband suffered what you might call a nervous breakdown. In an example of the stereotypically Asian “pressure to be perfect” gone terribly awry, my husband was beating himself up because he wasn’t applying for the 2008 Match. He obsessed about it so much that he drove himself mad -- to the point that he had to be hospitalized. It was then that I truly lost my husband. Over the past year, I tried to be supportive as I watched him become this depressed, self-centered, self-involved, uncaring person. He was obsessed with trying to be perfect, and blamed any sign of imperfection on outward sources. If he was unhappy he would either blame others, or pick fights (mostly with me) in order to make himself feel better. I hoped, desperately, that he would eventually “get better” and return to that loving person I once knew, but it just didn’t happen. He wasn’t willing to get the help he needed, and as a result, couldn’t truly begin to heal.

I put up with the tough times because I love him and didn’t want to leave him because of his behavior (which I attributed to his illness). I kept his secret because I didn’t want to cause him more pain, and thought that once he got better, we would be able to move past this. But now, things are different. I think I owe it to myself to be honest about what I’ve been dealing with.

And, of course, now I need to find a new direction for this blog. A while ago I noticed that every time someone asked what was new with me, I would talk about Ping and his residency applications. I think I need to find some new things to talk about.

So few words...so much drama

2009-03-19T21:45:00.002-04:00

Subject: Where did I match?

Message: Congratulations, you matched to Mountainside Hospital in Montclair, NJ

Did you ever have an interview where, after you left, you were sure that the person interviewing you was completely unimpressed? That is the experience my husband, Ping, had when he left this particular interview. He tells me it’s an excellent hospital, but he was so certain that they would not want him that he didn’t imagine it was a possibility. Well, apparently he was wrong.

Ideally, this hospital would have been located in Maryland, or Virginia, or the District of Columbia...but no, it’s in northern New Jersey.

That’s where the drama comes in. We like our life here. I LOVE my job here. But the problem is, you cannot commute to NY from DC, so someone has to move.

It doesn’t help things that the economy is tanking and jobless rates are reaching new heights. Residents make no money, so if you were thinking, “Hey, he’s a doctor, why don’t you just move without a job,” you can forget that. Someone suggested that I should stay back while he goes to NY, and we could see each other on the weekends. The problem with this plan, however, is that residents only get four full days off each month, and they aren’t necessarily on the weekend. If we took this route, I’d probably go months without seeing him.

So, I’ve begun looking for jobs. I am hoping to find something very close to what I do now, just in a different place. Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but a girl can dream, right?

One day and counting

2009-03-18T19:40:00.001-04:00

While I’m relieved that Ping has matched somewhere, I’m still sort of nervous about where it might be. He’s applied to programs here in DC, in Baltimore, and in and around NY. If it’s in DC that’s fine. If it’s in Baltimore, he says he wants to commute, though if that doesn’t work out we may need to move somewhere half way between DC and Baltimore. However, we have no plan if he gets placed in NY. I guess I am going to need to find a new job...but I really like my current one, so I’m not exactly looking forward to that.

Of course, I haven’t had much time to think about that this week. Today the results of a major study on prostate cancer screening were released, and since reporters get the info under embargo a few days before the info goes public, I have been a very busy girl. We had a press conference via telephone yesterday, and I handled the logistics for that. Plus, there have been a ton of media interviews to set up. But now that’s over, and I can relax a bit.

And so, we wait...

2009-03-16T17:30:00.003-04:00

It’s a torturous process -- the medical communities own form of hell week. I am talking about the National Resident Match Program, more commonly known as “the Match.” The Match is the process by which medical students, and foreign trained doctors who have gone through the certification process, are placed with hospitals to complete their residencies and become full-fledged doctors. In the Match, everyone sends applications, through a centralized system, to as many hospitals as they can afford (at $25 a pop). Then, the match-ees wait for interview invitations. Students and International Medical Graduates (IMG’s) compare notes on how many interviews each have received, and who received interviews from the most prestigious programs. It’s a sick sort of competition, where your pleasure is derived from the pain of your colleagues with fewer invitations.

Once the interviews are over, everyone submits their “rank list” -- the list of programs where you interviewed, in the order of preference for where you want to go. Hospitals submit similar lists, with the students and IMGs they are willing to admit to their program. Then, a large computer in an undisclosed location takes all the lists, runs them through complex algorithms, and determines everyone’s fate.

A month later, on the Monday before the third Thursday of March, everyone learns of their fate -- sort of. For students, those who are left alone can, by the end of the day, rest assured that they have been placed in a hospital. Students who get called into Dean’s office, however, are about to receive the devastating news that they did not make the cut. I’ve been told that a favorite prank in some schools involves students paging their fellow students, entering the number of the Dean’s office, so that the student will think they are being summoned for bad news.

For IMG’s, the group to which my husband belongs, the news comes in the form of an email. Ping's email looked something like this.

Subject: Did I match?

Message: Congratulations, you matched!

That was it. Hopefully those who didn’t match received something a little more consoling than “nope” in the body of the message.

Still, neither the students nor the IMGs know where they matched. That fun is reserved until Thursday. Apparently 3 more days of anxiety are necessary for the medical education process. But they can rest assured that at least they matched, as the watch their friends participate in something called, the Scramble.

Simply put, the Scramble is the last chance to get a placement. Those who didn’t match are provided a secret list of programs which, for one reason or another, still have space available. Tuesday and Wednesday are spent sending emails and faxes, and making phone calls begging for a chance to join these open programs. These scramblers, as well as the folks who learned they matched today, will get their results on Thursday.

And so, we wait...

Wisdom from Television

2008-12-08T21:08:00.002-05:00

"I believe that inherent within the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, is the equally God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. That is why I support gay marriage."

- Chuck Lorre, vanity card #231 (CBS, The Big Bang Theory, "The Vartabedian Conundrum" episode.)

Voting

2008-11-04T15:05:00.003-05:00

Today my pink Ralph Lauren sweater has a new accessory, a little oval sticker that says "I Voted Yo Voté" This little sticker carries with it incredible significance. Sure, it earned me a free 12 oz cup of drip coffee shortly after I earned it (Thank you, Starbucks!). But that's not all. This little sticker tells the world that on November 4, 2008, "I voted."

In my lifetime I have earned plenty of these little stickers, but never has one meant as much to me as this one. You see, today -- as I pushed the green button marked "Cast Ballot" -- I suddenly became overwhelmed by the significance of that moment.

Thirty or so years ago, as a police officer in New Jersey, my father -- a black man -- had to give up what should have been a promising career as a public servant. Having just gotten off of his shift one evening and still in uniform, my father was enjoying a cup of coffee when he witnessed four large white males harassing a young women. He approached the men and told them to leave the young women alone. The men attacked my father and a fight ensued. The men, whose families were very powerful in a community that wasn't fond of black people in power, were able to avoid conviction, and my father was pressured into "leaving his position quietly." For him, the experience was both painful and demoralizing.

Contrast that to today, some 30 years later. When I pushed that green "Cast Ballot" button, I cast my vote for a black man for president. No matter what happens this evening, the significance of this day is not something I am likely to forget.

I wish he would have lived to see this day.

October 4th Deadline

2008-10-02T10:51:00.001-04:00

Cell Phones and Brain Cancer

2008-09-25T10:54:00.003-04:00

Today, the Congressional Committee on Oversight and Reform, Subcommittee on Domestic Policy, is having a hearing about the current state of the science in regards to cell phones and cancer. It's being chaired by Dennis Kucinich, and NCI's Bob Hoover is testifying. It's available online for viewing:

Cell Phone Use and Tumors: What the Science Says

Other things that might be of interest include:

NCI's Factsheet on Cell Phones

NCI Cancer Bulletin newsletter article from Tuesday

Gay Marriage

2008-09-25T10:13:00.004-04:00

Okay, no matter what side of the Gay Marriage/Civil Unions Debate you fall on, surely anyone can see that invoking an example from the move "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" does not make for a solid justification for denying domestic partner benefits. I mean, really...

See the Government Executive story in which Office of Personnel Management deputy director Howard Weizmann shared this brilliant comparison.

Why I deserve a Mother's Day Present

2008-05-09T18:13:00.003-04:00

I don't have children, at least not technically. I do have a dog, and believe me, he is not the reason I think I deserve a present. I deserve a Mother's Day present because not only am I my husband's wife, but on occasion I have to play the role of his mother.

Did you take your medicine? Did you remember to take the dog out? Aren't you 5 days late on submitting that invoice to Such and Such company? Here, I did the invoice for you, just don't forget to mail it, okay? I mean really! On what planet does it make sense that I have to remind him not only of his home responsibilities and to tend to his own health, but also have to keep track of HIS business to make sure he actually gets paid. And lest anyone think otherwise, I do have my very own, rather demanding, full-time job.

I recently read an article on CNN talking about women who mother their husbands. Now I am not talking about this type of mothering; the women who put toothpaste on their husbands toothbrushes and pick out his clothes every night. I am talking about the necessities. The things that, if I don't do them, there would be serious consequences. Taking his medicine for example -- that's serious business. And the invoice thing; when you consider that he gets his entire year's salary from this one contract, you might think that he would take timely submission of invoices seriously...but no.

The real problem I have with having to mother my husband is not simply the fact that I have to do it. It's annoying, yes, but it has to be done. What annoys me is that, unlike true mothering, there is no way to punish a husband. I mean, what I am I going to do, take away his TV privileges? I know some women would consider "withholding marital relations" as an option, but that just seems like a colossally bad idea for a relationship, and quite frankly it would probably be a long time before he noticed anyway.

Our most recent struggle has been about his complete inability to charge his own cell phone. We don't have a land line, and cell phones are our primary means of contact--when he actually charges it. There have been quite a few times lately where he has forgotten to charge his phone and I have had an urgent (or quasi-urgent) need to contact him and have had no recourse. A few weeks ago, his phone completely died (due to improper charging I imagine) and so I bought him a new one. Not just any phone mind you, it's a smart phone/PDA with continuous email access. Now, even if he is somewhere where he cannot make a call, he can still send an email, or check his email. But, none of that works if he doesn't charge it.

Now I have begged and pleaded numerous times, for him to keep his phone charged. Particularly because of his recent health issues and inability to remember to take his medication, I become rather worried when his phone is dead and I cannot reach him. I worry about him and he knows it. I told him I don't mind taking care of him, and dealing with the health issues and all of that, as long as he charges his phone...but he doesn't. I have cried when explaining how I couldn't concentrate all day at work because I worried that something had happened to him the last time he didn't charge his phone...still nothing. I called and arranged for a land line to be installed so that at least, when he was home and his phone is dead, I would have a way to reach him. When the installers showed up, he told them we changed our minds and later told me that he thought it was silly to waste money on a land line and PROMISED to keep his phone charged.

Then today, I was at work and I called him to tell him about something cool that happend at work. It went to voicemail, so I left a message asking him to call me. I assumed he was still sleeping. Later, I learned that the town next to where we live was basically shut down due to lack of power from storms that hit our area. I called him to see if he was okay, and the phone went straight to voicemail. He was supposed to be working from home, so I sent him an email. Nothing. I call again...voicemail. Wait an hour, call again...voicemail. Then I remembered that he was sleeping when I left this morning and I didn't remind him to take his medicine...panic. I checked the bank statements to see if he had spent money anywhere -- no. I consider calling a neighbor to check on him, but then remember that I don't know anyone's name or phone numbers. ugh. We live across the street from both a fire and police station, but filing a false report is a crime and they aren't going to go check on him just because I say that his phone is off. Double ugh. Finally, I consider calling our favorite Chinese place, placing a delivery order and asking them to tell him to charge his phone when they deliver the bill. Okay, not only would they not do it, but I would never be able to get Chinese takeout again.

Since this isn't exactly a first offense, I certainly cannot leave work early to go check on him. I know that the likelihood that something is actually wrong is quite small, but that doesn't change the fact that something COULD be wrong. What if something was wrong and I didn't go check on him. What then?

As it turns out, he was just fine. He just didn't bother checking his phone...or his email. H said he was sorry, just like he has every other time, but he doesn't get how much this worries me, or how serious this is. Begging doesn't work, pleading doesn't work, crying doesn't work, and I cannot punish him. How in the hell am I supposed to get my husband to charge his GD phone!?

I guess I am going to have to start doing THAT for him too, huh?

Shades of infidelity

2008-03-10T16:32:00.003-04:00

What would make you more angry; if your husband was having an affair, or if he (perhaps regularly) visited a prostitute? I find myself pondering this question after reading this article from the New York Times about the Governor of New York and his history with a certain high-priced prostitution ring. There is the picture with his wife, and she looks so hurt, yet is standing by her side. I immediately though, first of Dina McGreevey (wife of outed NJ governor James McGreevey) , but then of Hillary Clinton. I cannot imagine the pain that Dina McGreevey went through--not only was her husband cheating on her, but he was also living a lie in terms of his sexual orientation. I am not making any value judgments here about homosexuality itself, but if you are in a heterosexual relationship and you find that your parter is actually not attracted to your gender, that has to be immense pain. So much so that I don't think it is fair to compare Ms. McGreevey's situation to those of the other two women. In a "who is worse off" contest, she clearly wins.

But certainly there are fair comparisons between Hillary Clinton and Silda Spitzer. Both are clear examples of infidelity, and both are a horrendous betrayal of the marriage oath. But in the case of an affair, there is an implication that the betrayer has an emotional connection with his mistress, where as with hiring a prostitute one can assume that there is no romance involved. However, the act of hiring a prostitute speaks volumes about how the betrayer views sex and relationships, and shows that he does not value the romantic relationship encased in the marital oath. If the betrayer views sexual relations as a business transaction, does that carry over into the marriage? Was that last birthday present a form of "payment for services rendered?"And of course there is the health issues. True, one could be subjected to a sexually transmitted infection regardless of whether their partner were having extramarital sex with one person or 12, and truth be told, high priced call girls are probably more likely to protect themselves with 100% commitment than the woman in an office with whom a husband decides to have an affair, but I think the health fear factor would be much higher when one's husband was soliciting prostitutes.

I think both situations would inflict immense pain and anguish, and I certainly hope that I never have to experience either scenario, but I still must wonder, which one is worse?

Starting again

2007-08-27T11:55:00.001-04:00

I haven't submitted anything in a while. It's been almost 6 months since my mother passed away, and it's taken this long to climb out of the fog. It's surprising how many areas of your life are affected by something like that. There's the depression, which puts a cloud over everything and just takes the joy out of things that used to be so interesting. The sense of loss, which makes everything good that happens seem to matter less because no matter what, it can't heal the pain or make up for what happened. And then there is the guilt. The nagging feeling that you should have been able to prevent it, or that you should have done thing differently because you should have, some how, known that this would happen. My mother had cancer, and while there was a point at which I knew, logically, that she was not going to "get better" there were still no way of knowing when she would die, or how long we would have together. In the months before she died I often found myself thinking "what if this is the last time we do this or that" but it's impossible to plan for these things. It's taken me this long to realize that. Plus, because of where I work and what I do I was constantly feeling like I should have been able to DO SOMETHING to prevent this...but I couldn't have. Guilt is an insane feeling--powerful, ruthless, and insane.

I was by her bedside when she died. I don't think anything can prepare you for that sort of experience. It was traumatic and painful and yet I don't know that I would have done anything differently if I had it to do over again. When my father died, I wasn't there. I talked to him on the phone the day before (a Friday) and was planning to come see him the next day (a Saturday) when my sister got a phone call saying that he had died and that was it...I never saw him again. We had a closed casket ceremony, at my sister's request, and so I literally never saw him again. With my mom, I was in the hospital room almost around the clock for the 5 days before she died--it was one of those situations where they knew it was going to be any day now. After the first day and a half she was no longer able to communicate, so we just sat there, watching her succumb to the pain, begging the docs to increase the pain medication. It was incredibly traumatic. When her eyes rolled back in her head, it was this insane feeling of both incredible loss and relief that it was finally over. It's taken months to get over what can best be described as post-traumatic fog.

It's not as though life stopped. It's kinda like when you are driving down a major highway and then enter a long tunnel under a large body of water. You keep driving, but you aren't entirely sure where you are, and you are just doing what you need to do to get to the other side. You can't see what's around you, and can barely see very far in front of you. You just go through the motions so that you don't get hit, and keep telling yourself that you have to keep driving or otherwise you will never get where it is you need to go. No one wants to enter the tunnel, but once you are there, you just do what you have to do to survive.

So what happened while I was in the foggy tunnel. A lot actually. My fellowship ended and I was offered a was offered a rather coveted position in the office of the director--which I took. It's a nice promotion with the maximum advancement potential legally available to someone coming out of my fellowship. Normally I would never make such a boastful comment out loud, but somehow it seems okay to blog...I mean, how modest is blogging anyway, right? Plus, I have no idea if anyone will actually read this, so why not.

I've also made some rather fun purchases. I got a 42" HD plasma screen television. I bought that right after my mother died, as an attempt to bring myself out of the funk I was in. It didn't work at the time, but I am rather enjoying it now. Plus, I got it at a rediculously low price. Originally at $2,500 I got it for $999, which included someone coming to my house to make sure I installed it properly. There were many factors that lined up just right to get me that price, including a bunch of sales and promotions, and the fact that the "newer model" was just released...the only difference being a metal border vs a black one. A picture of mine is on the left, and the newer one is on the right. You can see that there isn't much difference. Mine was rated well on CNET and I happen to like the metal color.

I also bought a new MacBook and a video camera. I have always been a PC user, but my husband needed a new laptop because the screen on his compaq was dying, and the thought of buying a vista machine was giving us both a headache. He didn't want to learn a new operating system either, so he took my dell laptop and I got the new mac...yeah! The video camera is a sony mini DV and I plan to video my sister's wedding. It works nicely with the mac, so this should be a lot of fun.

Okay, more aobut that later. I need to go meet my husband for lunch, then do some actual work after that. It has been really quiet this morning.

Reflections on Family

2007-04-29T00:04:00.000-04:00

What constitutes a family? Particularly an extended family. Beyond your parents, and siblings, what about the rest. If you parents are your link to the extended family, and they die, does your extension to their family die with them.

How do you even know that you will still be welcome in that family. Particularly, as in my case, if the ties to that family weren't quiet strong to begin with, wouldn't those ties just snap?

You have a pair of grandparents (the patriarchs), their children, and then the grandchildren. What place do the grandchild have without the link of their parents. Shall I look forward to a series of family functions where I sit alone while all my cousins sit with their parents? Or will they just forget to invite me all together since grandchildren are usually invited by their parents.

Will even seeing me at events only serve to remind them of the daughter they lost? Will simply seeing my face, a combination of their daughter and her previous significant other whom they deeply despised, bring them memories of the years they lost while she had been outcast from the family for getting involved with the man they despised.

Perhaps it's best now to consider myself an orphan, in the true sense of the word. Almost 30 years old, yes, but without family none the less. Of course, I still have my loving husband, and my sister, whom I love dearly.

The heart dies

2007-04-08T15:45:00.001-04:00

"The heart dies a slow death, Shedding each hope like leaves... until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains. She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes like deep water."
-- Arthur Golden in Memoirs of a Geisha

Post-traumatic reflections

2007-03-10T01:26:00.000-05:00

My mom died on Monday. The services were yesterday. I've been in Philly/jersey since last Thursday -- that was the day that she "took a turn for the worse" as they say, and they knew she wasn't leaving the hospital. I was in the hospital pretty much 24/7 until Monday morning at 7 am when she passed. The funeral was yesterday. I am still in kind of a fog. On the one hand, I keep expecting her to walk through the door any minute now, or find myself zoning out for a second wondering where she is when I am around the family. On the other hand, every time I close my eyes I see her die. I was holding her hand and my face was about a foot away from hers when she died. It was the most horrific thing I have ever seen. She was basically unconscious but still in so much pain, and her breathing got all crazy, and there was this bloody, frothy stuff coming out of her mouth every time she breathed. As I was sitting there, holding her hand with one hand and using the suction tube thing to get rid of the frothy stuff in the other, everything just stopped. Her eyes rolled back in her head, her head dropped, her face turned purple, and then she was gone.

I haven't had the strength to pick up the phone and call anyone. I still don't. I figured at least with an email I can get it out there--say the words without actually having to speak them. I feel like I am just a big mess, and I am so scared that that image is never going to leave my head. Over the past week I have gone back and forth between the states: sad, busy, and numb. Now that the funeral is over, it's just sad and numb. Of course there are still all kinds of stuff I need to do that will keep me busy...like going through my mom's papers and figuring out when her next mortgage payment is due...but I haven't been able to bring myself to do that yet.

In Loving Memory

2007-03-08T18:00:00.000-05:00

In Loving Memory

Theresa M. Biehl
September 10, 1954 - March 5, 2007

Fountain of Life Center, Burlington, NJ

Prayer/Opening ― Rev. David Boudwin, Associate Pastor

Personal Reflections ― Rev. Ed Vetkoskey, Associate Pastor

Personal Reflections ― Kathy Boudwin, member

Song: “There’s Just Something About that Name” ― Dr. Carol Tillinghast, member

Personal Reflections ― Mary Smith, memeber

Special Remarks ― Richard Gaglio, member

Special Song Written in Honor of Terry ― Juliet Richardson, member & artist - Virgin Records

Message ― Rev. Paul J. Graban, Senior Pastor

Throughout her faithful years of service to the Lord while at the Fountain of Life Center, Terry was involved in Missionettes, the Bus Ministry, Labor Day events, Drug and Alcohol counseling, Women’s support groups and more. She was a strong prayer warrior, especially during the early 6:00 am hours and was always ready to extend a helping hand to others in need. Terry’s love for Christ, her family, church family and friends is a legacy she has left for others to emulate.

Copeland Institute for Lower Learning: Campaign roundup

2006-10-20T16:59:00.000-04:00

Copeland Institute for Lower Learning: Campaign roundup

This website looks promising, so I thought I'd link to it.

Could Bill Clinton be Vice President?

2006-10-20T12:00:00.000-04:00

I still don't know how I feel about the prospect of Hillary Clinton running for president. On the one hand, it would be great to finally have a woman in the White House, and she is certainly popular enough to have a good chance of it (but popular enough to win?). But on the other, I am not sure what I think about her. She doesn't exactly seem like the kind of person you would like to hang out with (unlike her sexy for an old man husband). I can't quite picture her running the country.

But today I stumbled upon a very interesting article. The author raises the question of whether Mr. Clinton could run as her vice president. An odd pairing of course, since he would certainly steal some of her attention, and having a couple as the leaders of our country feels a little too much like a monarchy (princess Chelsea?). But, could a former president run for vice president. Does the 22nd amendment that bars a president from serving more than two terms bar him from serving as a vice president. I think I lean on the side of those who say that it would be permissible, under the law. A very cleaver presidential loop-hole indeed.

Feel free to read the article and form your own opinion:
VP Bill? Depends on Meaning of 'Elected' - washingtonpost.com

Behavioral Informatics BLOG

2006-10-18T09:20:00.000-04:00

Today I was checking out the Society of Behavoiral medicine for professional reasons, and came across this: Behavioral Informatics, a blog from their Informatics section.

At first I was very excited about the prospect of a professional organization jumping into the information revolution and making use of emerging technologies. At least, I was excited until I went to the blog, and discovered that it was--shall we say--short lived. There were about four posts in 2005 and then it died. I can just imagine what happened to. Some forward thinker in the group said "Hey, we are the informatics groups, we should have a blog" at first people were all excited about the idea and supported him, so he put all this work into it. But then people decided it was stupid or "not in the best interests of the group" and then the blog died.

I find it quite frustrating that, while technology is rapidly changing all around us, those who are in charge often seem to be stuck. Let's take an example from my own work.

I work in a place where technology is paramount. We do research. Nay, we do the best research. We do some of the fanciest, most expensive research in the world, and we are quite proud of that. We see ourselves as saving people's lives through genomics and proteomics, and little tiny robots that can mend diseased cells (nanotechnology--also used in Dockers pants!). To put in frankly, when it comes to technology, we think we're the shit.

Now, I was working on a project where they were starting a health campaign targeted toward people aged 18-30. They hired this big time advertising firm and were doing all kinds of testing to make sure that they had just the right logo, just the right message, just the right people in their commercials, to really make a difference in this particular health problem. It is really a noble effort. Rarely do public health professionals have the means to use tested, proven communication methodologies for media campaigns.

The big-wig advertising firm recommended, based on their research, that the campaign have a true grass-roots movement of real people in this age group, sharing their stories, through blogs and person pages, to show their health struggle so that others could feels supported. Great Idea! After all, how do people in this group (people my age) communicate today? Electronically. We look up information on the internet before anywhere else. We don’t buy maps, we don’t use telephone books. We use Yahoo! and Google and to find the information we want. We even, occasionally, buy our groceries online. I don’t even know if I own a telephone book. If I do it is probably being used to prop up a table or something.

You have to be living under a rock to not know that America, and the world, is obsessed with reality shows right now, so the leaders on the project (branch chiefs, office directors, people much higher, and older, than myself) could understand the idea of having the “real people” angle. They were even accepting, though slightly hesitant about the whole blog idea (provided we can keep people from using profanity, etc.) but when I, and later the advertising execs, suggested what would have been the PERFECT place to hold such blogs, the refused. They wouldn’t even consider the idea.

Tell me the one place where you could put up blogs and know that they would reach people in the 18-30 age group quickly. In the true sense of the term grassroots, where is the one place where people this age spend a ton of time and information spreads quicker than ever before? Where is the one place where you could find almost EVERYONE in this age group. Myspace.com! Who doesn’t have a myspace page? And if I linked my page to the fancy health website page, then all my friends would see it, then all their friends might end up seeing it. It could spread like crazy.

But no. They wouldn’t even consider it. Why, because a couple of parents can’t control their 14 year old girls. But what does that have to do with spreading information? So many businesses and television shows have used myspace to get the information out about their products. Why can’t the government. It’s not like you can’t control what goes on your page, and what comments you allow to remain posted.

Are we going to have to wait ten years, until all the baby boomers retire, before we can finally catch up with the times? When we, the generation Xers, are in charge, will we be as stubborn about new things that we don’t know about yet. I hope not.

One of the Stupidest Campaign Ideas Ever

2006-10-13T14:20:00.000-04:00

Today I saw a commercial for John Raese the republican candidate for senate from West Virginia. His brilliant idea to fix the country is to require Visa expiration dates on all immigrant drivers licenses so that police could easily see who is in the country legally, and who isn't.

This is the STUPIDEST idea I have ever heard. First of all, the only thing this would do is create another barrier for immigrants who are here legally and make every effort to follow the dozens for US immigration laws. People who get a license already have to provide their visa information, but now they will all have to go back in and prove it again. Thousands of immigrants, all lined up at the DMV, taking time off work, to get a newly printed license. Not to mention the fact that the government will have to pay for all those reprinted licenses. But what about those people who overstay, you ask? Well, you can't get a license on a visitors visa. Most people who come here for legitimate long term reasons (students, scholars, etc.) are not the ones who overstay their visas. Their visas are closely monitored by their visa granting institutions (universities, research institutions). The people who "overstay" are the people who get a two week visitor's visa and don't leave. They aren't going to be able to get a drivers license with that anyway. And the vast majority of illegal immigrants have fake identities. Again, this whole visa expiration date thing isn't going to help any of that.

And the worse part is, he tries to make it sound like it makes complete sense. His whole campaign is about "bringing West Virginia common sense to DC." I know that West Virginia has a bad wrap, as a state full of inbred, stupid people. It's one thing when people from outside make fun of the state and it's residence. It's completely another thing when someone purporting to represent them, obviously thinks they are all stupid. It's a good think they aren't all as dumb as he thinks.

Wedding Anniversary

2006-10-03T00:51:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary--the culmination of our first year together. Some people say that the first years are the best--still others stay it's the hardest. I wonder if there is a correlation between perceptions of the first year, and divorce rates?

I'd have to say that divorce is one of the most scary things to me. I know they say the divorce rate in America is 51%, but of the people I know, it's more like 95%. In my family, my grandparents stayed together, and that's about it. I don't think I would know the key to a successful marriage if someone told it to me.

What I want to know is, in all these marriages that fell apart, at what point did they know that it just wasn't right? Was there a moment when they said "Oh, Fuck! I screwed up." Did they see it coming, or did they wake up one morning and just stop loving each other?

In those cases where one person turns out to be a completely different person--the closeted child molester, the cheater, the gay/lesbian in denial--was there something that the other person missed. Should McGreevey's wife been able to see it coming? Were there any clues that would have let Steve Letourneau realize that is wife was getting some action on the side with one of her students?

Of course marriage is the ultimate gamble--taking a chance on love and all that--but I just wonder if there is some sort of secret for keeping it all together?

As for the anniversary, it was a beautiful day, and it was nice to be able to spend it together. Unfortunately, we spent it driving, as we had to visit my mother this weekend, who is recovering quite nicely from surgery she had this week to remove a tumor in her lung.

By the time we drove all the way home, took care of the dog (who got sick from the car ride) and changed clothes, it was 9:45 on a Sunday night and all of our favorite restaurants were either closed or about to close. So, being the very flexible people we are, we decided to have our anniversary dinner at...wait for it...APPLEBEES! Fine dining at it's best! :)

After dinner, we shared half of a piece of our wedding cake. It was...okay. The icing was still about the same, but the cake was a weird texture. It wasn't still frozen or anything, but it was more like eating paper, or flavored Styrofoam than anything else. Like generic hull-less popcorn that tastes like cheese flavored air. Throughout the past year, every few months my husband would turn to me and say, "Can we eat the cake yet?" I think he was looking forward to it. I bet he was terribly disappointed. I am pretty sure the rest of the evening made up for it. :)

Post Zero

2006-10-01T20:59:00.000-04:00

This post will serve both as a test--since it is the first post I am making--as well as an introduction.

In some ways, my life is ruled by a series of oaths. I took an oath to serve my country, I took an oath to remain faithful to my husband, and another to remain truthful to my god. Additionally, we all have personal oaths--oaths we have taken to ourselves. I have a personal oath to always seek knowledge and truth, another to strive to be a "good person" etc.. It is these oaths, both public and personal, that guide many of the decisions that I (we) make each day. Or, at least, they should.